How You Can Rightly Say Stop in BDSM

Posted by SVAKOM 01/03/2011 0 Comment(s) Testimonials,

Bondage sexual experiences are exciting, no doubt. The feeling of vulnerability that comes with ceding control to your partner can be truly arousing.

BDSM sessions are entirely built on mutual trust, respect, and love. Often, in the heat of the activity, your partner may accidentally hurt you by overstepping the boundaries. Ridiculously, your partner may mistake your expression of pain for pleasure.

This is why safewords (including traffic lights) are increasingly adopted in the BDSM space. You may be curious what these safewords are, and how you could use them to spice up the fun in your next bondage/submission sexual adventure. 

How about we learn emphatically about them?

 

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What are safe Words? Who can use them?


The core purpose of safewords is to establish safety limits. These are mutually set leeways via which you could opt-out of the exercise if you possibly can no longer continue – say you can’t bear the pain or pleasure any further.

Safewords are your way of giving the stop/continue signal. You will agree partners in a BDSM experience tend to discount the words NO or stop. This is why they should be replaced with safewords, which the couple agrees on before starting.

While there are conventional safewords, partners are at liberty to choose just any word – however stupid and symbolic it is – so long they agree in their situation, those words when uttered signifies an immediate termination of the exercise.

We have seen BDSM couples use strange safewords like “Giraffe”, “Justin Bieber”, and even even “Donald Trump”. How amusing is that?

 

When can you rightly utter the safewords?

 

 

Often, many couples are at a loss when specifically, they can say the word. Is there a universally agreed time when you can utter the safewords?

Well, given that the safewords are indicative of the closure of the exercise, you just can’t say them just anytime. While there is no definite time, you can say them only when you want the experience to end.

They aren’t words you just blurt out to show your excitement or encourage your partner to go on. Safewords are typically used when you no longer feel the fun in the sex anymore. 

Possibly, this could be when the pain from domination or discipline is becoming exceeding. This could be that you no longer can take the spanking, flogging, or overall humiliation play.

We commonly advocate that you use the safewords when you are getting significantly uncomfortable in the game. This could be when you start feeling alarming sensations like light-headedness, nausea, headache, or even you feeling dizzy.

At this point, regardless of the pleasure coursing through your body, your system can no longer put up with the experience.

Agreed, the safewords are relatively sacred in BDSM. I have seen partners pissed up with their mate just because of the sporadic recklessness at which they utter the safeword – even when they don’t necessarily want the whole stuff to end.

You must take responsibility and respect the established protocol. Nonetheless, don’t be scared of using the safeword when you clearly see the need to end the session. Don’t be afraid of putting off your partner by saying it.

BDSM is founded on love, trust, respect, and empathy. Despite how much your partner is enjoying the ride, he/she should readily accept your decision to opt-out when you do so via the safewords.

More than just orally blurting out some code words to end the game, you can resort to traffic lights to send your message across. This is even more helpful in cases where you can’t talk – let us say you are gagged.

Another beauty of traffic light is that they are more flexible. Sometimes when the activity is revving on, you may want a reprieve. Then it wouldn’t be right to say the safeword since you don’t want your partner to shut things down entirely.

Then you can use traffic lights to signify that he should give you a brief break to put yourself together or catch your breath before you continue.

How about we learn more about these traffic lights.

 

The beauty of traffic lights in a BDSM encounter

 

Traffic lights, as we have said, are effective inaudible channels of communication during BDSM sessions. Here, you can tell your partner what you are feeling like precisely, without having to say it out.

 

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The most typical traffic lights used during BDSM include red, green, red, yellow…But what specifically does each of these traffic lights represent?

The green signifies that your approval; that your partner should carry on. This means you are enjoying the experience and would love the ride to continue.

This is an all-clear sign that you are good and ready for more.
The red sign, just as it is in your conventional road traffic light, means STOP. This means you want the session to end at once.

Somewhere between the RED and GREEN is yellow or amber. This sign means that the submissive partner (or even the dominant party) is getting closer to his limits. This may necessitate a temporary respite or a modification of the script to get things safer and less hurting. 

Commonly, couples ask us. How do we progress from yellow to red?

 

The Yellow-Red Progression in BDSM

 

Once you give out the yellow sign, it means your partner (specifically the dominant party) should either continue at that intensity level or drop the tempo a bit so you can relax and catch your breath.

Of course, he can yet raise the rhythm, but it shouldn’t be a significantly abrupt spike in intensity levels. Rather, it should be gradual and, most notably, done with care.

If you are the dominant partner, let us say you are using a top-notch vibrator like the SVAKOM Anyayou wouldn’t need to increase the vibration intensity at once when your partner gives you the yellow sign.

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Now, you must carefully watch your partner to know when you can safely up the tempo without getting her uncomfortable. Keep a keen watch on her body language, and most especially her emotional and physical state.

If you possibly amplify things along the line and your partner gives you the RED, you should promptly drop the level down to that when she gave you the YELLOW.

If she yet gives you the RED when you drop to the previous intensity, you may want to end the session altogether. Then you can talk about the experience over, and how you can improve the arrangement if you want to continue to the next round soonest.

Do you get that?

Your partner must be confident in your ability to respect the limits. This gives her the confidence and calm to surrender control to you, knowing you wouldn’t overstep the agreed boundaries and permanently damage her.

Sometimes, you may need to help your partner break through a particular limit, upping their resistance. This should be done very cautiously. Take a break or pull back immediately when she gives you the RED.

You may take a break or carefully rev things up to this limit again across the next sessions (which could be multiple trials) before your partner’s resilience level shoot past this barrier.

Once your partner starts giving you the YELLOW when you have passed that previous stop-level, then you may have successfully broken through that limit. 

Nonetheless, take note that this often requires a lot of patience as you want to necessarily keep your partner safe through it all.

 

How about those thrilling situations where you can’t talk?

 

 

We agree it is not every BDSM session that allows us the luxury of speech. In some experiences, you may be gagged, or your partner may deploy sex toys that deny you the ability to speak audibly.

In such situations, you may not be able to say the safeword and may not have traffic light equipment on the scene. How now do you opt-out or show your approval to continue?

In that circumstance, you could leverage hand signals to send your message across to your partner. This could even be as simple as a thumbs-up or thumbs-down signal. The essential part is that these hand signals are agreed upon before you begin the BDSM session.

Also, the dominant party in control must be attentive enough to follow the signs when they are given. If you can’t use hand signals, there are other options like pressing an audition button, giving your partner a buzzer, or simply ringing a bell.

Doesn’t that sound interesting?

 

Most popular safe words used in BDSM

 

Having said all these, how about we look at the most popular safewords used in BDSM sessions by couples across the world?

 

1. Pineapple

 

This is one prevalent safeword many couples use. The beauty of it is that it is distinctive and easy to execute, leaving little space for mistake or inaction.

When you say the word “pineapple”, it is very rare that your partner would be confused by it so long both parties have consensually approved pineapple as a safe word beforehand.

 

 

2. Banana

 

From the earliest permeation of bondage and discipline sex into the global sexual culture, many couples have been using the word banana as their safeword.

Just like pineapple, it is pretty clear, straightforward, and easy to interpret.

 

3. Orange

 

Orange is a color of a fruit, and many couples admit to using it often as their safeword during bondage sex sessions.

Other popular safewords used are vanilla, peach, apple, and even red.

This brings us to the end of this definitive guide to saying stop in BDSM. We hope you have learned enough to maximize the fun of your BDSM session while keeping your partner safe and comfortable.