Your shopping cart is empty!
It is unfortunate that many couples gradually get sexually disinterested in themselves as their relationship gets older. It is not unnatural that as couples get more used to themselves, the relationship loses a bit of its original excitement. However, there is no justification for your partner becoming sexually unattractive over time.
No doubt, a lot of things come into a marriage (or serious relationship) as the couples get older together. A lot of responsibilities associated with maturity creep in. There are kids to take care of; there is also the stress of a demanding job.
Nonetheless, it is up to the couples to deliberately preserve their sexual connection, replacing the emotional staleness of an old relationship with one where the couples can't wait to thrill themselves with good sex every time.
How do you make your partner less of a housemate and more of a highly sexually attached lover? In this guide, we will be taking you through proven steps on to spice up the sex life of your old relationship. A steadfast application of these techniques will rekindle the erotic flame in your marriage, where the sex is reinvigorating and perpetually mind-blowing.
Before we go on, let us point out the core elements you need in your relationship to keep your sex life (with your partner) remarkably healthy.
Things decay if left in their default state. Don't feel bad; it is nature! The same extends to a relationship. The truth is, we will be doing your relationship great disservice if we tell you that you are going to be instinctively sexually attracted to your partner for life.
No, life is too dynamic for that. Things would weary down the line, especially as you will be meeting new people every day. There comes the conscious dedication of both couples to keeping things sexually exciting. Take note, this doesn't mean you are faking the vibe or trying to hold onto a passion long dead.
Indeed, if you don't want the flame in your marriage or relationship to quench, it takes deliberate efforts on both parties to keep it alive and glowing. Things like date nights, openness, love, playfulness, empathy, and fanned attraction should never be missing from a relationship if the couples must still feel hots for themselves as their relationship ages. Both parties must fundamentally be prepared to prioritize the relationship, setting juicy time aside for themselves consistently.
Having laid this precedence, let us graduate to the expert tips that would spice up the sex life as a couple.
Arguably, communication is the foundation of every relationship. If there is no candid interaction in your relationship with your partner, expect cracks to start popping in your sex life. Trust me, it wouldn't take long! Remember, as budding couples, you guys were probably all over each other at the start.
Remember those emoji-loaded chats and exchanges of countless kisses at the start of the affair? That was how you initially built trust and intimacy. Equally, it is also the same way to sustain it.
As a couple, sexual intimacy can't survive when one of you is closed off. Feel free to take about your innermost sexual taste and fantasies. The time to be shy was when you two were just crushing on each other at the very beginning. For crying loud, you are married (or very deep into your relationship) already!
Introversion is an assured killer of your sexual life as a couple. You don't want to be "putting up" with the sex. Be open enough to discuss your desires and expectations – even the freakiest. This doesn't mean being aggressively critical of the deficiencies of your partner on bed.
Let us face it; even if your partner is not meeting your expectation, don't go posting it on a billboard. Be sensitive and empathetic when you bring it up for discussion. Trust me, the last thing you want is making your partner feeling insecure. He or she is sure to shrink inside, even more, further devastating your sex life.
I won't blame you if you get bored with your sex life when you and your partner keep to the sexual routine for 20 years. Personally, I would get bored in months. It is vital to consciously juice things with some freshness. Sex doesn't have to be bureaucratic or due process: a kiss on the forehead, next to a squeeze on the arms, and straight to the year-long missionary style on bed. Yuck!
Be inventive and bring on something new. There should be that element of unconventionality in your sex life as a couple. Don't always follow the textbook process your grandparents used.
According to renowned sex educator and co-host of the American Sex Podcast, when you do something fresh with your partner, you produce dopamine. This kind of replicates that fresh vibe you enjoyed at the most exciting phase of your relationship. This could be as simple as spending time out in an amusement park ride.
According to experts in the neurosciences of sex, trying new experiences in a relationship sparks dopamine activation and other vital chemicals that trigger sexual arousal.
Something fresh goes a long way in resuscitating your sex life as a couple. Those quickies in the car, those impromptu sex sessions in the garage, the thrilling oral sex in the kitchen…do you catch it?
I can't assure you that your partner will always be in sex mode when you are horny. Humans are a box of hormones. Therefore, there are periods you would be sexually aroused and excited, and your partner would be cold as ice.
At such painful scenarios, you would hear excuses like "I am exhausted right now…I am not interested, please ….I am stressed out". Resist the temptation of pressuring them into sex. A lot of things could be going through their personal lives that could be switching them off sexually.
Relax, it doesn't necessarily mean they are no longer attracted to you. They may be stressed either at work, the kids, or other extended family issues. Now, when you chase them (in this disinterested state) or pressure them into sex, you automatically amplify the stress they are going through at that point.
If the sex in your relationship isn't enough, never chase your partner into it. Sex is an emotional offer, not some autocratic order. Take out time to iron issues with your partner, uncovering the stressor in their lives at that moment. Once this stressor is successfully eliminated, the sex will rush back into the relationship bountifully.
Few things are as sexually inciting as seeing your partner masturbating right in your face. This is not a direct provocation to challenge your partner. Instead, the sexual atmosphere is amplified when your partner sees you pleasuring yourself. It is an enormous turn-on!
Let us imagine as a lady, you use an incredible sex toy like the SVAKOM Adonis. Working the thrilling frequencies on your vagina and all that pleasurable moaning can set your partner on fire with arousal.
Here is the mistake most people make when pleasuring themselves before their partner. If you get engrossed or buried in the masturbation exercise, it very likely to threaten your partner. It could be a demeaning provocation, parading your sexual autonomy that you have already replaced him or her with your sex toy.
When masturbating before your partner with an intent to turn them on, ensure you maintain direct eye contact. Flavor the atmosphere with some seductive facial expressions while looking at him or her directly in the eyeballs. You could try the seductive lip-smacking, the inciting soft moans, and winks…there is no way your partner is "escaping" without getting down with you.
There is also the option of wearing a remotely controlled sex toy like the SVAKOM Timo. Let your partner manage the remote control and set the tone. Ensure you are genuinely expressive, let loose of your sensations, but don't fake it. Essentially, maintain eye contact or body touches with them, talk dirty if you have to in course of the foreplay. This is sure to get your partner's libido pumping aggressively.
Listen, there is nothing wrong with watching an erotic movie with a partner you are committed to. So don't feel too sinful to take the Holy Communion on Sunday.
You must connect romantically while watching such erotic movies. Remember, you are not watching the adult movie with your partner like that bad friend across the street. Watch it like a couple, sexually bonding over the sex scenes. Feel free to caress and titillate your partner as the movie goes on.
There are a number of family-friendly adult websites where you can explore. These are healthier alternatives to hardcore porn, which can get quickly obsessive. For the former, the content is more romantic and emotional, with a thrilling storyline.
In conclusion, these are some of the ways you can spice up your sex life as a couple. There is also the option of taking a sex class together and practicing on weekends (if you both are relatively busy). These sex classes should be exploratory, teaching you new dimensions to your sex life.
You can resort to a sex therapist if things are not necessarily clicking after adopting all these techniques we have espoused in this guide. You can also ask around your very trusted friends in very old relationships or marriages how they manage to keep their sex lives active. You may never know if they can help with a clue.